The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
What's green and can sing?
Elvis Parsley
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.